The battle of Distractions

What do you do when you are bored? How do you handle it when life slows down? What do you do in that space? Perhaps some of you love it when it is quiet and just enjoy quiet walks. You enjoy being still.

That is not my normal experience. I have a very fast mind. I have moved fast my whole life. My parents told me that when I was one or two years old, I started to play and dribble balls. Growing up, I was always bouncing a ball around. It was something that would stimulate me just enough. I don’t like to be still with my thoughts. I’m not sure why. But there is some fear there for me.

I didn’t know about ADD growing up in the 80's. As an adult I always joked that I probably had it, but I never was fully diagnosed until five years ago. Yes, it is true, I have ADD. I read a book or two on it, and it makes a ton of sense why I operate the way I do.

So what is the internet to my brain? Well, it’s an instant distraction. I have often said that a smartphone to an ADD-type brain is like crack cocaine. It takes my brain that already moves extremely fast and then pumps it on a ton of information through texts, tweets, and Facebook posts, which makes my brain feel super cluttered. I have lived with this distracted brain my whole life.

Now none of this is new news if you have been on this journey with me. It’s something I have worked on intensely over the last eight to ten years. I have worked on quieting myself and learning to be still. But I keep going back to things to keep myself distracted.

In my spiritual journey, I have known that the Lord wants me to learn to be still. I long for deep intimacy with Jesus. At times I surely have found that. I have grown to love the presence of the Lord. And yet it’s not something I can sustain because I keep turning to distractions. Whether it’s checking the latest sports scores or my Facebook feed, I keep going back to things to distract my mind.

Last summer, I sensed the Lord say enough. I felt his gentle and yet firm rebuke.

"Do you want to hear my voice or the voice of the world?"

Well Lord, if you put it that way, I want you.

I basically went off all the media. No sports, minimal Facebook, and no news. Wow, that was so refreshing. I found that I didn't miss it at all. I am not sure I noticed an immediate change in my mind. But I kept sensing the Lord telling me to keep coming to him.

Fast forward to March. I participated in a 40-day global fast that many did during Lent. I was excited for this time to spend extended hours with the Lord. Before the virus put us all on an extended time of sabbath, I was already planning on slowing down in March. In February there were some days where I found myself in the presence of the Lord for hours at a time. I was thinking, “Wow. Finally I’m making some progress in eliminating distractions and being clear and focused.”

But then March hit… and everything changed. The fasting was hard. The distractions were worse. I started checking the news more because I wanted to see what was going on in the world. And I have been deeply fighting being alone with the Lord.

Yet each day, I keep sitting in my chair. I keep at it. I stay in boredom, trying to sit with Jesus and abide in his presence. Yet the distractions keep pulling at me. There was a level of frustration that hit me hard over the weekend. It seemed like everything boiled over, and I’m not sure what I felt. But I felt so frustrated internally.

Today I had a great talk with a good friend who is a pastor to me, someone I can process my heart with, and he always provides great feedback.

He said two things that hit me hard. First, that in this season the Lord is wanting me to learn that he’s my joy and comfort in all things. This has been my heart and my deep passion, that I would enjoy the quiet place with the Lord above all things. I long for this intimacy with Jesus. Yet if it isn’t there, I will quickly go to other things to find that comfort--food, interaction with friends, digital distractions. 

Then my friend shared this quote with me from Blaise Pascal: “Distraction is the only thing that consoles us for our miseries…and yet is the greatest of miseries. For it is this which hinders us from reflecting upon ourselves, and which makes us insensibly ruin ourselves.”

So the very miseries we distract ourselves from are the miseries we perpetuate by distracting ourselves. And we are kept from the thing that heals us: deep reflection and intimacy with Jesus.

My encouragement to you this season is this: keep fighting distractions. Let’s put our phones away, turn off the TV’s, and turn to first abiding with Jesus. Then let’s have meaningful time with our families. I have heard so many are doing that.

I have a new resolve to fight distraction--to allow myself to just sit and be bored.

Will I be perfect at this? Nope. I know myself too well. But I will be present with the Lord and my family, and I know the Lord loves me deeply in the middle of my struggle.

Thanks for letting me share.